| There is a popular Akan saying that goes “Aboa b3 ka wo a, efri wontoma mu” roughly translated to “If you’re going to get bitten by an insect, it will be in your cloth(or more like within your clothes). Even though we know this to be true, we often find it hard to wrap our heads around because as far as our minds know, horrific things shouldn’t be done to us by those close to us. One of the horrible things that happens in life that our minds tell us should be perpetuated by strangers is sexual abuse. This serves to clear the air, just a tiny bit and bust a few myths. First off (and most importantly), up to 75% of sexual abuse is committed by someone known to the victim. It could be a relative, friend, acquaintance or even a partner. In less than 30% of instances, the transgressor is that stranger lurking in the bushes or the armed robber who breaks into our homes. Sexual abuse is not limited to rape but includes all unwanted or forced sexual advances, including coercion and those acts that take advantage of the victims’ inability to say no. Research varies from place to place but less than a quarter to one-third of victims ever report abuse and less than 5-10% of reported sexual abuse turns out to be untrue. Contrary to popular belief, sexual abuse has little to do with what one wears or does. It is an act of power and control wielded over another. Victims may not always fight back mainly due to the fact that different people handle trauma and abuse in a myriad of ways and also because a large number of victims go through what is known as a “freeze response” during abuse. Children are typically “groomed” by sexual predators. This means the sexual predator (often someone known to the child) first gains the child’s trust and then starts to abuse the child after forming a close bond with said child. In these instances, children find it more difficult to come forward as they feel they are betraying the relationship if they do. Men are also victims of sexual abuse. Although instances of male sexual abuse are lower than that of female and child abuse they tend to be even less reported because of the harmful stigma attached to the notion of a man who may have been unable to defend or protect himself from the abuse. Sexual abuse can result in Post traumatic stress disorder, a situation in which the victim has difficulty coping after the trauma and experiences life events that trigger emotions related to the abuse. Depression, sexual dysfunction, intimacy issues and anger are other effects that can occur post abuse. A few noteworthy points are; Seek help if you are a perpetrator of sexual abuse. It may seem as though it is impossible to stop but there are many helplines and psychologists well equipped to help you on your journey to freedom. Speak up when you see someone being a victim of unwanted sexual advances. Stop victim shaming. Lend support and love to those who have the courage to stand up and speak out. Teach children that abuse can be carried out by anyone and create a safe environment for children to confide or report abuse without fear of being branded a liar or being subjected to their abuser after reporting the incident. If you don’t know what to say to a victim of abuse instead of asking questions like “Why were you there?” “Aren’t you friends with them?” “Did you lead them on before saying no?” understand that victim blaming only makes recovery more difficult and so when you have nothing supportive to say, say nothing at all. If you are a victim of abuse or know a victim of abuse, therapy by a professional psychologist is great step to take on the road to recovery. Source: Dr. Phoebe Sarfo MBChb, UCC (phoebesarfo75@gmail.com) * IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE IN CRISIS, please call National Suicide Prevention Helpline (050 949 7705, 055 842 4645) or text the crisis text code *771*88# References: https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/sexual-abuse https://www.apa.org/topics/sexual-abuse/ https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-british-journal-of-psychiatry/article/cycle-of-child-sexual-abuse-links-between-being-a-victim-and-becoming-a-perpetrator/A98434C25DB8619FB8F1E8654B651A88 https://wumsy.org/the-sexual-cycle-of-a-paedophile/ https://teenhealthcare.org/blog/what-you-need-to-know-about-the-freeze-response/ |
